Malgorzata

The table of contents of Miss Malgorzata Berenice de Beauvoir Requests Your Presence

Originally published as a serial in The Sketch 1910-1912.

1. In Which Malgorzata Declines the Biscuits, on Principle
   And makes a private note regarding Genia, the kitchen maid
2. In Which Mourning Attire Is Discussed Prematurely
   Causing visible discomfort among those who believe optimism is prophylactic 
3. In Which the Conservatory Proves Unsuitable for Reflection
   Owing to certain botanical exaggerations
4. In Which Malgorzata Enlists the Confidence of Murgatroyd
   Principally for his expertise with the dumbwaiter
5. In Which the Omnibus Brings an Unfamiliar Guest
   But the monogram on his valise calls an unpleasant incident to mind
6. In Which Chess Is Played Without Agreement on the Rules
   Resulting in several surprising victories
7. In Which Malgorzata Reproduces Dr. Michelson’s Experiment
   And discovers a curious flaw
8. In Which Malgorzata Invites Miss Margie Chulmleigh to Tea
   And several bottles of india ink go missing from the Lord de Beauvoir's desk
9. In Which Malgorzata Decrypts the Engraving Inside the Patriarch's Tomb
   With disturbing implications for the family tree
10. In Which Malgorzata Helps Henry With the Sheep Milking
    And attempts to make yoghurt, with ambivalent results 
11. In Which Malgorzata Arranges the Library According to a Novel System
    And discovers several books which were misfiled on purpose
12. In Which Malgorzata Devises a Way to Measure the Height of the Topiaries Using a Celesta
    Much to Mrs. Whimbley’s consternation
13. In Which Malgorzata Reproduces Mr. Edison’s Dangerous Contraption
    And reaches a contrarian conclusion
    
    (Illustration: Malgorzata poring over a heap of mechanical bits spread out on the parlor carpet, Old Dog Trey curled up in front of the fire behind her)
14. In Which the Attic Is Used for a Temporary Experiment
    Involving candles, mirrors, and a great deal of string
15. In Which Sir Hubert Returns from Overseas Unexpectedly
    And Miss Margie is obliged to hide in the dumbwaiter
16. In Which Sir Alaric’s Favorite Fowlingpiece Goes Missing
    And Henry’s ingenuity is thereby challenged
17. In Which Old Dog Trey Investigates a New Scent Near the Kitchen Hearth
    And discovers something the importance of which will become apparent later
18. In Which Malgorzata Uses the Dumbwaiter to Discover Yet Another Subbasement
    And Murgatroyd is almost moved to protest
19. In Which Mrs. Whimbley Discovers the Ink-Stained Linens
    And Malgorzata explicates the utility of onion juice
20. In Which the Ferrer-Dumonts Come for Sunday Tea
    And Malgorzata trades places with Trey until pudding
21. In Which a Parcel Arrives from London Containing a Book by Cousin Yorick
    And Malgorzata refuses to read it because of the font
22. In Which Malgorzata is abed with the Croup
    And Dr. Bonifacio reassures her that it is not the plague   
23. In Which Malgorzata Decides That Miss Shahrazad Has Outgrown Her Wardrobe
    And takes measurements for a new outfit
    
    (Illustration: Malgorzata holding a doll arrayed as a Persian princess. In her other hand is a carpenter's square.)
24. In Which Malgorzata, Using the Brandy Test, Proves That Mother’s Paste Is Really Diamond
    And Mrs. Whimbley remains mum
    
    (Illustration: Malgorzata holding an enormous, elaborate piece of jewelry over a chemist's alcohol burner)
25. In Which Malgorzata Investigates Unusual Creakings from the North Attic
    And Sir Alaric’s fowlingpiece is found, still smoking
26. In Which Malgorzata Measures the Echo of the Grand Stairwell
    And discovers several unexpected intervals 
27. In Which Sir Hubert Shows Malgorzata His Webley-Vickers
    And she expounds upon its inferiority to the Colt design
28. In Which Sister Chastaine Pays a Visit
    And Malgorzata invents a novel application for rosary beads
29. In Which Malgorzata Discovers a Lodestone in the Lower Garden
    And immediately uses it to correct the armillary sphere
30. In Which Malgorzata Carries the Weather Glass Throughout the House
    And detects a discrepancy in the library
31. In which Shahrazad goes missing from her locked chest
    And Trey shows up wearing a strange collar
32. In which a blackbird makes entrance at the clerestory
    despite the entreaties of the domestic staff
33. In which the Deacon from Saint Gilles drops in for an audience
    and Malgorzata makes good use of a transom
34. In which the Lady de Beauvoir requires Malgorzata’s presence in the foyer
    Necessitating a stealthy retreat to the columbarium
35. In which Malgorzata shows up at the kitchen door with an apron full of quinces
    and confesses to having poached them from the Chulmleighs
36. In which Malgorzata persuades Annabeth to make a strawberry–rose aspic
    using arguments against which Annabeth has not prepared a defense
37. In which Henry discovers the ladder below the clerestory window
    And Murgatroyd asks Malgorzata some uncomfortable questions
38. In which Malgorzata solves the laundry mystery once and for all
    To no one’s satisfaction—including her own
39. In which Mother takes the girls into town for tea
    And lessons are learned about the frailties of machinery
40. In which James earns his keep
    And Malgorzata attempts to send Miss Margie a message by semaphore
41. In which Malgorzata collects samples from the kitchen flue
    And the séance does not go according to plan
42. In which Malgorzata officiates at the wedding of Shahrazad and a dove borrowed from the columbarium 
    And the honeymoon transgresses several rules of decorum
43. In which Malgorzata follows a red string to a locked door in the study
    Meanwhile, Murgatroyd requires forceps to remove a length of string from Trey’s gullet
44. In which Malgorzata borrows Sir Hubert's transit
    But her project of surveying the entire attic encounters some obstacles
45. In which a packet of violet pastilles goes missing
    And Trey is summoned to testify
46. In which Genia finds herself short one tub in the scullery
    And Malgorzata makes progress charting the banks of the stream nearby
47. (Illustration: Malgorzata floating on a stream in a large tub, notebook in one hand, sextant in the other)
48. In which Malgorzata repurposes a span of Mother’s old taffeta for a hot air balloon
    And commissions a mouse - Leftenant Charles Limberger - for a reconnaissance mission over the Chulmleighs'
49. In which Malgorzata takes a glass to Father’s large atlas of the South Pacific
    And notes one island misspelled
50. In which Malgorzata attempts to persuade James to create for her a font
    And subsequently amends her plan for sending a letter to the Royal Geographic Society
    
    (Illustration: James in the doorway of the garage, arms crossed, frowning down at Malgorzata)
51. In which Malgorzata makes unauthorized improvements to the sewing machine
    And Murgatroyd questions James regarding his involvement
52. In which Malgorzata goes out on the roof to befriend a stork
    And it consents to carry her secret message to Cousin Yorick
53. In which Malgorzata comes into possession of a tuning fork
    And sets about probing the resonance of every desk, secretary, cupboard, and wardrobe in the house
54. In which an emissary of the BWTA is left waiting in the foyer for four hours
    And several petitfours go unaccounted for
55. In which Malgorzata befriends the postman
    And finds that a tray of petitfours is sufficient to procure his confederacy
56. In which Mother tries yet another governess
    With predictable results
57. In which the Chulmleighs stay for whist
    and the girls take Asbaran out for an unsanctioned gallop
58. In which Malgorzata argues with a samovar over an esoteric point of Zoroastrian philosophy
    and Shahrazad declares a stalemate
59. In which Malgorzata teaches Miss Jasmina to dance on two legs
    and a tin of kippers goes missing from the larder
    
    (Illustration: Malgorzata in the parlor dangling a herring over a persian cat)