Precious, Painful

Words
So many words
All those words
that passed between us
Lines
Letters
Whole librettos and liturgies
So precious to me
They capture a time when
In my innocence
I believed in a future for us

All the stages we went through
The excited era of discovery
The avowals of sincerity
The slight slips
The offenses taken
The apologies tearfully tendered
The forgiveness begged
and so blithely given
The subtle threats
The turning away
The breakthroughs:
"I feel we are stronger now"

What did it all amount to?
What could it possibly have meant
if it all fell into silence
Not even an echo lingers on?

Yes, I still have all those words
Those silent, magnificent words
So precious to me, every last one
Silent and meaningless as diamonds in a vault.
Words so painful to me
Icons of what can never be
They must never
ever
be
read again.

Oh how I long for that last, best balm

Day I Became a No one. A Felon. An Alien. A Suicide.

The Rabbit's Keen

...Where the geyser has no head and the river's race is red
Where the rabbit's keen rings wild 'round six stark-kneed storks beguiled
Where the craters' kissing calm rocks the blossoms' sleeping psalm
There my blue-eyed sun shall drain his draught of winds-wept laughter-rain
And from the straylight star-fields glean the mower's milk, the wayward's wean

Aug. 9, 2014

Clouds

Nubes esse velim.

The morning would blow me away
And the midday sun would evaporate me.

March 13, 2013

At Last

Behold now the blood-blackened cadaver
A lump of a man
More effective in death
than ever his life's longings.

But no, that is not me
I've left that earth
I radiate my last thought into the void
The one true friend
It takes me as I am.

August 9, 2013

Hope

And so, at sunset
I wrote Adieu
And she wrote Ciao
And somehow
In that quaver between
Never and Someday
I mine a meager starlode
Of immanent hope.

March 28, 2014

Armageddon

Apollyon drives his flaming chariot
Against Metatron and Merkabah
A cataclysmic clash
Exactly betwixt my frontal lobes
I've mapped Megiddo at last:
Somewhat north of my medulla

April 5, 2014

Abysmal

Day
 Bed
  Brainpan seething
   Almost deathing
    If not for breathing
     Feet freezing
      Mind foundering
       Sea of violet gel
        Violent firmament
         Frigid abyss
          No passing ship
           Welkin diminishing
            Squid waves hello
             Whelk-horn summons
"I'll be there soon!
To hide my cinder bones among
thine aspirin-pellet shells."

Apr 5, 2014

Drops of a Daffodil

I bring you drops: drops of a yellow daffodil, tear drops.

Please, only the first drops, not the second drops!

I bring you green plantings: plantings for the window box, plantings for the churchyard.

Please, only the first plantings, not the second plantings.

I bring you bright up-risings: up-risings of the openings, an Up-rising of the Closing.

(Easter 2014)

April 6, 2014

Standard Candle

I am blown out into the stellar void
a snuffed standard candle
My planetary nebula summarily sloughed
like skin of a cosmic serpent
All I remain is a hot white point:
Impenetrable density
Seering intensity
nuclear sans nucleus
a pure white corpuscle
of massless proto-plasma.

May 3, 2014

illusion

I used to have hands to hold
arms
lips
a mouth with teeth to bite
legs
knees
feet with which to walk
I seem to recall.
Was it an illusion?
Now -- nothing
no member
no memory
A fata morgana
of unreal mind over unreal reality.

May 3, 2014

Some one-liners

1. ... whereas my ancestors on my father's side were jimmy rustlers, outlaws of the worst sort.
2. ...while the coffee machine pees slowly into my cup
3. John Douglas Porter graduates Manga cum Laudanum
4. John Douglas Porter wears the cone of shame.
5. Who is Dawn, and why do people keep talking about her crack?
6. John Douglas Porter is an amateur gymnologist.
7. John Douglas Porter witnesses the somnolizing of the marriage.
8. John Douglas Porter is not constrained to the brane.
9. John Douglas Porter goes with the contraveigling wisdom.
10. John Douglas Porter takes the 9:15 to Lower Barking.
11. John Douglas Porter is sophomoric beyond his years.
    
12. I rubber-band you here on earth; be rubber-banded in heaven!
13. Do not speak to me of the pulpitudes. The pulpitudes can take a flying leap.
14. Now, if this basketball is the sun, and this marble is the earth, you're totally high.
15. You should see my six-pack glutes.
16. John Douglas Porter is banging on all nine cylinders.
17. John Douglas Porter has a badly inflected tongue
18. Rama-lama king-kong
19. John Douglas Porter - putting the angst in angstrom.
20. John Douglas Porter - putting the Klaatu in nomenclature.
21. Sleep, like happiness, is auto-elusive.
22. Love is miraculin of the mind.
23. Erzulie Pantokrantor
24. John Douglas Porter - putting the reneg in renegotiate.
25. "Every rule has exceptions" is a rule that has exceptions.
26. feeling very harakirismatic today.
27. It was a flaccident.
28. Fairly barking pissed.
29. Tarmac-n-cheese. My favorite!
30. Eterna-quette
31. I am my own worst prophet.
32. Not suitable for use as a Standard Candle.
33. The present is the catalysis from potentials to actuals.
34. Calamities Into Stories (from Aristotleian Semiotics)
35. I was ever so slightly mortified.
36. Un grillon d'or rampant
37. John Douglas Porter watches with fascination the tardigrade motion of the planets.
38. I wonder if I'm ever in anyone's dream.
39. I can hear your brain farting.
40. John Douglas Porter is an inveterate pedestal-putter.
41. Friends with Retirement Benefits
42. I guess I'm now permanently weird about it.
43. Yet another satisfied customer of the First National Bonk.
44. John Douglas Porter stores his data in the Oort Cloud.
45. Feeling kinda #278C00 today.
46. John Douglas Porter takes Highway 1 to Johnsonville.
47. John Douglas Porter lacks referential integrity.
48. John Douglas Porter is coupled to the ether.
49. Pretty sure John Douglas Porter was raised by wolves.
50. Let's just throw up and start over.
51. John Douglas Porter hops aboard a tramp steamer bound for Mandalay.
52. People are gripped by my reprehensible tale.
53. John Douglas Porter takes a ride on the Tilt-a-Hurl.
54. John Douglas Porter goes into airplane mode.
55. John Douglas Porter - putting the laughter in slaughter.
56. John Douglas Porter finds himself in the paradoxical position of needing to care less, and be more caring.
57. So, it seems I've got an immovable object. I'll see if I can summon up some irresistible force. ;-)
58. My problem is that I let setbacks become sadness, and sadness become depression.
59. I really need to stop exaggerating at every opportunity... Or it's going to get me killed.
60. I admit that I don't really know anything. I am mostly incompetent. Pretty nearly a fraud, I guess.
61. the katydids are in high rut tonight. somebody should tell them to knock off all that racket.
62. They shall beat their swords into plowshares; they shall melt their bullets into radiation containment vessels.
63. I'm living proof that optimism is essentially a kind of insanity.
64. My mind feels like a loaf of sourdough rising in a coffee can.
65. Her response to my holiday greeting, while cheerful, was carefully coded to ensure I not forget what ultimately came between us.
66. The nine-year-old cabingirl onboard The Beagle refused to assist the old man in the preparation of the manuscript.
67. Tengo dolor de calabeza.
68. Origine inconnue
69. John Douglas Porter has a certain joie de vision
70. She played me like a banjo.
71. John Douglas Porter utilizes Bleak Strategies.
72. I want to send my friend an apology letter... but something about "Repent-o-gram" doesn't sound quite right.
73. It wasn't awesome until you said it's awesome. Now it's awesome.
74. John Douglas Porter turns on the re-skeever.
75. Kowloon mind, Erebus soul.
76. Every night, it's the same question: Chinee or Chaldee?
77. John Douglas Porter hangs the mournaments
78. We'll face unafraid the plasma we made
79. Girl from Eponyma
80. And He shall feed on His flocks like a leopard
81. John Douglas Porter tries to catch up on the logbarkbog of the darkdogbark
82. Follow the lines to the vanquishing point.
83. All the makeup and all that bling... Honey, it ain't gonna change a god-damned thing.
84. John Douglas Porter girds up the battle heffalumps.
85. Begin self-distract sequence!
86. The night unfurls before me like a highway
87. The day spreads out before me like Arlington
88. John Douglas Porter assumes the Asurasana
89. Tonight, I declare fraternity with all the sentimental drunks throughout all the ages -- present, past... and future!
90. Papier machete
91. através, otravez
92. ... for thereby some have entertained angels' underwears
93. Teheran-o-saurus rex
94. I can hear the old Key-tars playing on the beach at Honaunau
95. Draw your own illusions.
96. made a faux pas last night: I wore my white swan to a black swan event.
97. ...et tibi Redditur votum in Hierusalem
98. Gall-dang-it! Chia flavored? I thought it said chai flavored!
99. Dammit, google! I said Marie Curie, not Mariah Carey!
100. I'm ... gettin' up, so you better get the coffee started
101. Niebelung to the light, Niebelung to the tundra
102. Cutting off my nose to spite your face
103. Les douleurs des heures heureux...
104. roflllllleeuwentijn!
105. I just found out the name of your dentist; You been lying through your teeth again
106. John Douglas Porter is cast into the Gorge of Eternal #Perl.
107. Pu-erh is Hunan...
108. John Douglas Porter enjoys crispy pupitas with a rich tamarin sauce.
109. ...et libera nos a malodorum
110. A lovely stew of snowshoe crab and horseshoe hare
111. Damn it to the limit!
112. The heartbreak of houttuynia
113. John Douglas Porter goes back to the well for the inspiration behind his new line of artesian cheeses.
114. Why should I answer the telephone? It never answers me!
115. Seductio ad absurdum
116. John Douglas Porter discit de avibus et apibus
117. John Douglas Porter is a hopsquatch champion
118. Hollywood -- quo cuncta undique atrocia aut pudenda confluunt celebranturque.
119. John Douglas Porter slips away under cover of clover.
120. So I'll see you week midwochenensday.
121. Every day is like a weird hybrid of the drudgery of Wednesday, and the emptiness of Saturday. A... Satnesday.
122. Putting the apotheque in the zapotec.
123. I speak of the palpatines of love
124. Wie bébé ist fourmi? Wie dame tombler encuente?
125. She Smells Estuary
126. For star dust thou art; and unto star dust shalt thou return.
127. John Douglas Porter feels the need to restore the balance in his aquarius humor and his vitriolic humor.
128. Then shall sound the tumultimate chord
129. John Douglas Porter cleans up on Isle 3.
130. Thank you, Toblerone bar, For having bits of actual Matterhorn in every chocolatey chunk.
131. John Douglas Porter floats down-scream
132. Cat as Trophy
133. Things could go horribly right...
134. Willkommen in Krankreich
135. John Douglas Porter grazes long into the abbess...
136. Jonathan Richman was totally wrong about Pablo Picasso.
137. We'll take the back roads and blue highways from Bleak to Dire.
138. John Douglas Porter is nothing if not onionated and unspoken.
139. John Douglas Porter is equinocturnal
140. Let's wring out the old year together.
141. John Douglas Porter moves a freight of phosphorus through the strait of Bosporus.
142. You know, being an asp-viper is not nearly as uncool as it sounds.
143. John Douglas Porter savors a tub of Flav-o-Rub
144. John Douglas Porter has always depended on the strangeness of kinder.
145. Alswang that Enswang
146. John Douglas Porter heeds the galling.
147. I enjoy people-watching at the shopping mall -- that turbid miasma of human sediment.
148. Scheizophrenia :-(
149. John Douglas Porter plans to be thrown clear.
150. I try to make everybody's hay a little more cereal.
151. To have all these things in core memory stored...
152. Toxonomy is more geneal than oncology.
153. You gotta walk before you can crawl.
154. Two is company, three is a crowd.... four is an oven.
155. What today is it?
156. my life - a picture in durian gray.
157. My Thutmose for His Thaïs
158. John Douglas Porter gets involved in a land war in Asia
159. John Douglas Porter goes onto Google+ to exercise his demons.
160. Britons never, never, never shall be Slavs!
161. Gone to Croatia
162. Cooties to you on your outstanding achievement!
163. No -- they're just skeebers; they're not able skeebers!
164. U rang a tone
165. She's a head haunter.
166. You have until tomorrow to become a diamond. But hey -- no pressure.
167. That's a tomorrow for another day.
168. Remember you're dreams.
169. Sweetbreads are neither.
170. The Return to Stalagmite 13 is based on the life of John Douglas Porter
171. John Douglas Porter suffers a stroke of midnight
172. John Douglas Porter brews himself a nice big mug o' chamomilatonin.
173. John Douglas Porter hears the ululululation of the belles, belles, belles, belles, belles, belles, belles
174. 2013 was my 1929.
175. John Douglas Porter pumps the "sod off" shotgun
176. John Douglas Porter reigns for 14 sars and 3 ners.
177. To put things in perspective ... The visible universe has a volume of only about half a million yotta-yotta-yotta-litres.
178. John Douglas Porter begins work on his magnum opus -- his Dissociative Fugue in G minor
179. John Douglas Porter obeys L'Hôpital's Rule
180. John Douglas Porter ate a million donuts in a ouroborostrophedonic haze
181. It appears we are a Pangaeatic Cancer.
182. John Douglas Porter will a stately pleasure-dome decree, of clay and wattles made.
183. John Douglas Porter follows the Queen of Marksbury Rules.
184. John Douglas Porter feels about as disorganized as an Egyptian mummy.
185. John Douglas Porter yokos the band.
186. John Douglas Porter brandishes the bat'leth-arang... -chuk.
187. Other places make your car look clean; we get your car really clean! Auto-Clave!
188. John Douglas Porter's walls are built of melonballs.
189. John Douglas Porter has a variable ennuity.
190. John Douglas Porter self-mendicates
191. John Douglas Porter drives the Jalousie Jalopy
192. She played me like a matryoshka theremin.
193. John Douglas Porter undergoes a sudden zombifurcation.
194. The eleventh thing I didn't own was the eleventh thing I couldn't hide.
195. Does anybody else here like lapstank douchebong tea?
196. John Douglas Porter eschews his food 31 times
197. John Douglas Porter is disturbed by the feeling of a phantom lamb
198. John Douglas Porter gives himself a pat of butter on the back
199. John Douglas Porter still has the first dollar he ever spent.
200. John Douglas Porter keeps it on the download
201. John Douglas Porter does his civic doody.
202. Nihil Obstet
203. All of John Douglas Porter's friends are in the Zone of Avoidance.
204. Power to the peephole!
205. John Douglas Porter gets red-carded in lawn darts.
206. John Douglas Porter has gone into rewission
207. J'adore fromage avec pain, And music is my aeroplane...
208. John Douglas Porter's humor goes right under their heads.
209. John Douglas Porter makes a lava lamp out of actual lava.
210. I know papayas are a pretty amazing fruit... but I still don't get how the Egyptians could have made paper out of it.
211. This golf course is extremely challenging... a true bogey wonderland.
212. I'm pretty mechanically minded, but how these old-fashioned clocks work escapes me.
213. St!nk
214. If I didn't know better, I would have said the name of the Wicked Witch of the West was Ding-Dong.
215. Things look bright under the bonky moon.
216. Back in college, John Douglas Porter briefly dated a girl they called "12 Stone" Jordan.
217. OK, I promise to keep in torch.
218. Sitting in the chilling area of the local Hair Choppery, John Douglas Porter consults The Book of Brilliantine Things.
219. You should be really careful not to misspell collabortion.
220. Once more unto the breeches, dear friends!
221. John Douglas Porter has a date with Carmen von Ochsheid.
222. The heart is a one stroke engine.
223. Just as correlation does not imply causation, simultaneity does not imply correlation.
224. John Douglas Porter subscribes to the panspermacetia theory of the origin of life on Earth.
225. Looking forward to the turkey trots this year.
226. John Douglas Porter plots a daring night-time raid on the pie safe.
227. ... And that was the draught of egg nog which proved to be John Douglas Porter's undoing.
228. John Douglas Porter puts the loco in loco parentis
229. John Douglas Porter is rocking one roly-poly hurdy-gurdy.
230. John Douglas Porter hies himself to the rhubarbery
231. Of course I believe in equality; horses are graceful, noble creatures.
232. The three words that best describe John Douglas Porter are as follows, and I quote: bone; Crohn; drone.
233. John Douglas Porter is afraid the Quonset of Alzheimer's is right around the corner
234. [It] must be the seasoning of the witch!
235. denurtured alcoholic
236. One of my favorite things about the holiday season is the Negativity Scenes (sometimes called Crashes).
237. Do you ever feel like a third cousin twice removed? I sure do.
238. I've got terrible vertigo in my left shoulder.
239. I'm going to have to break out a tube of Provocation H.
240. John Douglas Porter is a cotton-headed ninnymuggins.
241. John Douglas Porter is a bear of very little news.
242. They say they got dengue fever in Denver, but I feel certain it was the other way 'round.
243. Though I here, I'm really not a where.
244. En el internet nadie sabe que eres un pierno. My drunkenness is a mask to hide my facile sobreity, qui est un facade sobre mi saudade, mi libido illucido, mi innocencia senescente.
245. John Douglas Porter puts the TNT in AT&T.
246. Ugh. Them chicken wangs was so dang hot, I feel like a freakin' balrog.
247. There's a time/space tradeoff in the space-time continuum.
248. Pro tip: If your attempt to "honor" Black History Month doesn't completely piss off your white-nationalist base, then you're doing it wrong.
249. Spem in Allium
250. In Trump's case, they should probably be called Executive Ordures.
251. I thought it was a majestic sea flap-flap... But it was just you.
252. There! Now that that's all sordid...
253. John Douglas Porter switches to clean supernatural gas.
254. John Douglas Porter always clothes himself in the finest synaesthetic materials.
255. John Douglas Porter sometimes posts unanimously.
256. John Douglas Porter is deluded to half his original strength.
257. John Douglas Porter -- putting the interr in interrogate.
258. But you never read me my Carmen Miranda rights!
259. Subluxated Lands
260. People come out of a crowd at a pop concert to go to the loo through a process of tunneling just like how a radioactively unstable nucleus emits neutrons.
261. John Douglas Porter is an ironoclast.
262. Wingardium leviosa, honey... Don't you know that I love you...
263. It can be hard to discern between John Douglas Porter and Creepy Combover John Douglas Porter.
264. John Douglas Porter casts his vote in absinthia
265. Prisons are basically monasteries of evil.
266. John Douglas Porter was a very precautious child.
267. John Douglas Porter keeps his precisors sharp.
268. John Douglas Porter makes a concerted effort.
269. Terminator 2 has ruined me for beautiful sunny days at the park.
270. You are my dentistry
271. Meet the twins eye-tentacle.
272. Pole vaulteth not itself — I Oly 13:4
273. This is the sound of me screaming at the stars
274. You and I saw John Douglas Porter swerve in his path, take a course impossible to explain by natural physical laws
275. You won't find me in your Book of Hoo-hoos
276. The Commode Dragons #bandnames
277. John Douglas Porter isn't even worth repairing. Send in Z-X3!
278. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angrydome.
279. John Douglas Porter is made out of palm leaves, has been washed in margaritas, and contains actual pieces of coconut.
280. John Douglas Porter engages in a pagan futility rite.
281. There are twelve trillion tricycles in Berlin. That's a fact. No one can ever say it's true.
282. John Douglas Porter is a massive-regressive panic-oppressive
283. John Douglas Porter hits the gaga wall with the lava ball.
284. John Douglas Porter ran through taverns pleasureless to man
285. I think the night has seen my mind, that inside I'm twisted and unkind
286. John Douglas Porter drops a High-German bomb
287. I'll gladly trade some fire water for some earth air.
288. John Douglas Porter. Was. Hanging. Out. To. Dry.
289. Gojira jaya jaya / Kabbalah jaya jaya
290. John Douglas Porter will be trying out Bevo, trying out Cubebs...
291. Unearned Tremaynes
292. This is the ordnance which John Douglas Porter ordeigned as Frith-'bot for the whole nation at Woodstock...
293. John Douglas Porter prefers his sparkling wine made by the méthode chamoise
294. John Douglas Porter was so gallantly screaming
295. Windchill whoppers turpentine...
296. I'm tired of your worn-out platypudes
297. I am authorized to say that the action we are now reporting may well bring John Douglas Porter within measurable distance of his end.
298. Just like David Lynch movies, John Douglas Porter's weirdness level has been monotonously increasing.
299. You know what can make your feet feel nice in warm weather? Open-toad shoes.
300. John Douglas Porter robs Peter to pay the piper.
301. Here comes the crackpot question in advance...
302. John Douglas Porter puts the gui in guillotine.
303. John Douglas Porter schedules an autopsychopsy for a week from Tuesday.
304. John Douglas Porter plays second double-barrelled euphorium in Sergeant Billy's Lonely Whiz Bang Band.
305. I love lightning and thunder / The thrill of feeling like the world is about to end / And the subsequent disappointment
306. The enemy of the enemy of the enemy of the enemy of my enemy is my.... Wait... Um...
307. John Douglas Porter is not ashamed to use his fingers when eating wantons.
308. John Douglas Porter has yet to read the opening book.
309. Not that I ever succeeded in "leaving them laughing when I went"...
310. I lost two emms on the ell.
311. Shooting stars will commence at sundown. If my demands are not met.
312. John Douglas Porter es un borracho barato.
313. It wasn't Hawkwind until I said it's Hawkwind; now it's Hawkwind.
314. our undoing is our own doing.
315. You all are a test, which I have failed. And I am a test, which you all have failed.
316. That which frees her won't freeze her.
317. We are not in the path of totality.
318. And my spaceship thinks I know which way to go
319. The future is all but past.
320. Yo soy un hombre insincero
321. John Douglas Porter leads a subbourbon lifestyle
322. John Douglas Porter is caught in a love dodecahedron. (And before anyone asks: Yes, it's a regular, Pythagorean dodecahedron, not a rhombic dodecahedron. Because that would just be weird.)
323. Then I flew my Lear jet to Chattanooga
324. John Douglas Porter eats a majorino cherry
325. John Douglas Porter goes to the bikeshed to eat dogfood
326. I will grieve you.
327. bonefire of the valkyries, or something
328. You can't have a heart without an ache. (At least in English, and most other Germanic languages.)
329. Estou no coração do céu.
330. Agh burzum ishi creampietool!
331. I apologize. I gaslighted myself.
332. I'm just a round in search of a revolver.
333. Even a stopped calendar is right twice a year.
334. The oort cloud drive is starting to squeak. I think it may be time to change the van allen belts.
335. They're lying. Tuna cannot melt. Don't ask me how I learned this.
336. John Douglas Porter commits the unforgettable sin.
337. If baseball has taught me anything, it's that you can't assume you'll be safe at home.
338. Please stop calling me "baby" while we're having sex. It's creeping me out.
339. John Douglas Porter is too stool for school.
340. He would grab some grapes and fling them, two at a time, down the length of the dining hall, yelling "flight of the concords!"
341. John Douglas Porter has a case of the Ganges on his left leg.
342. searching for an alternative eternity
343. John Douglas Porter puts the consommé in the consummation.
344. Come along, you god-damned moon; finish the f'ing job.
345. it's a beautiful night... crisp breeze rustling the trees, nice fire crackling... a perfect moment for stepping off this miserable rock.
346. Well, OK, but... Kitchen Tyakitori doesn't sound Italian to me.
347. So many plans, so little plutonium.
348. It's not like I've hidden my molotovs under a matryoshka.
349. John Douglas Porter puts the lasvegas in the glaswegas
350. kutta kolta kauta
351. Who says I can't be both a bushman and a hottentot?
352. Am I the only one who sees lol and thinks: GOAL!!!
353. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Of chainmail.
354. Here is my stream of cosmic subconsiousness.
355. I am overcome by waves of gravity, as neuron stars collide in my head.
356. Yo soy un hombre secreto, no digo nada de mi alma.
357. I shouldn't have eaten that sixth pizza.
358. dein ist mein schwarzes Herz
359. I seem to have caught morgellons from someone at work. I notice it's been going around.
360. John Douglas Porter is a jalapeno pauper.
361. Homo incompletus est, cuius rei demonstrationem mirabilem sane detexi. Hanc carpis exiguitas non caperet.
362. Because it's only by extreme force of will that I'm able to be as miserably good as I am.
363. John Douglas Porter has cabal internet at home.
364. And bleating his last, he gave up the goats.
365. In the lustful innocence of our youth, we believed we could have anything we wanted if we worked hard enough for it.
366. I have a massive crutch on you.
367. Saturday morning -- good time for a little self-disabuse.
368. The mind is an amazing place. To visit, I mean. I wouldn't want to live there.
369. humuhumunukunukuapua'a in my wine make me happy, make me feel fine
370. Tui Lumi Nasel ca Mino
371. John Douglas Porter is calling occupants of interplanetary crap.
372. Tense silver sexes, abased with a beau
373. JOHN P.: That's not too much to ask! NARRATOR: But it was too much to ask.
374. j'ai garou de vas...
375. I hate being bipolar. It's awesome.
376. good night! sweet dreams! as I rick-roll you to sleep...
377. John Douglas Porter finds the trophy in atrophy.
378. You damn straight, it's fresh! I collected the civet scat this morning!
379. currant: müde
380. John Douglas Porter sets the controls for the heart of the sunrise.
381. counting cigarettes and smoking Captain Kangaroo
382. On the ansible came the note: XE-XE FLY NO ANTIDOTE
383. John Douglas Porter is just a precog in the gearworks.
384. John Douglas Porter , with his corn cob hat and his stove pipe pipe...
385. John Douglas Porter's new album, underneath the neanderthal, drops next Sursdai.
386. J is for John-Lee, who died of ennui
387. (Human shown for scale)
388. We are like Nineveh. Let's be like Nineveh.
389. Social networking is as easy as riding a bike. Except that bike is on fire. And you're on fire. And everything is on fire. And you're in hell.
390. Thank you for your sweet and gentle lovingblindness.
391. The call of nurture is read in truth and law
392. John Douglas Porter is composed chiefly of ichor and ectoplasm.
393. You are truly nastilicious.
394. Taking a "mental health day" for depression would be like taking a "physical health day" for hepatitis.
395. John Douglas Porter is out on his own reconnaissance.
396. TIL: No, you may not bring a can of gasoline on the bus.
397. Safety, Thy Name Is Danger
398. We shall penetrate into the livingroom of impervious Nature herself!
399. All of my exes live in South Orange, New Jersey.
400. Now we're cooking with wood! :-D
401. dance with them what fuchsia
402. John Douglas Porter is possumsouse
403. I always strive to provide quality irritainment.
404. Be fremdly unto me.
405. I just invented a dozen deities, just so that I could take their names in vain.
406. Is misery and sadness the price I have to pay for the bliss we enjoyed yesterday?
407. I'm in the 666th permillile of men.
408. Modern phthnrhaeumaturgy is insanely complicated.
409. That's two strikes in your favor.
410. Algún día haré un grán éxito.
411. John Douglas Porter puts the shiv in chivalry.
412. I wish I could face unafraid the plans that I made...
413. Apparently, "NASA Scientist" is actually Florida Man.
414. more like a Social Justice Worrier
415. John Douglas Porter is the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade.
416. I want to know more about this spacecraft we're sending to land on Ultimate Cthulhu.
417. Mommy, do we have any cough tarts?
418. I know I'm a rich white American male, the most privileged class in the world; and when the revolution comes, I hope I'll be the first up against the wall.
419. Is this a rhetorical question?
420. 20/20 hindsight is a b*tch.
421. I worked so hard to become a maniacal engineer.
422. What is the "say something; I'm giving up on you" emoji?
423. John Douglas Porter, working for a quarter, trying to get a fish on a line...
424. If I learned anything at all as a child, it's that you should always skip the first two and go straight for the third bowl of porridge.
425. Obviously a "cubit" was the length of a standard cucumber. Duh.
426. She went to town... and then she brought it on home.
427. Enter vilification code: