Watch Out! John is Loose in the Kitchen

Here's what happens when I cook: 

I put too much butter in the pan
and heat it until the detectors go off ...

    I dice the onion and peppers far too small ...

        I cook the pasta until it slumps into mush ...

            I sauté the veggies until they're nearly burnt ...

                I use too much cumin, thyme, and paprika ...

                    I put too much salt, and too much pepper ...

Then I boil it all

until it's tasteless 

and satisfies no one.